What to do when, like me, you say, “I’m doubting my manuscript.”

Last night, I finished the final edit of my book When Justice Sleeps. I sent the manuscript off to a professional editor and to three beta readers, then sat back with a deep sense of joy and relief. I felt good—really good—about what I had written. I was excited.

As I hit “send,” I honestly thought this might be some of my best work yet. The book carries a strong Christian theme that I believe can help people walking through deep grief, but it doesn’t feel preachy. Throughout the writing process, I had felt God’s hand guiding me. When people ask how I come up with parts of the story, the only answer I can give is this: it comes through God to me.

But then. . . morning came.

I woke up today and the doubts crept in.
What if it was too preachy?
What if I got it all wrong?
What if it wasn’t any good at all?

That excitement from the night before faded quickly, replaced by heaviness, disappointment, and doubt. It felt like those thoughts had a firm grip on me.

So I did what I always try to do—I sat down for my morning devotion time with God.

I’ve been re-reading the book of John and once again found myself amazed at how much God can still teach me, even after nearly sixty years of reading and studying the Bible, starting back in my teenage years. Today’s passage was John chapter 4, the story of the woman at the well. Surprisingly, what stood out to me wasn’t the woman or even her conversation with Jesus. It was the disciples.

They were worried because Jesus hadn’t eaten. His response stopped me in my tracks:
“My food is to do the will of Him who sent me.” (John 4:34)

As I sat with that verse, it became clear what was happening. The doubts I heard weren’t from God—they were from Satan. What feeds my soul is doing the will of God, and I knew God had been with me while I wrote this book.

That’s when I realized something important. The moment I handed the manuscript over to my editor, it was no longer physically in my hands. And because my hands were off it, I suddenly felt very human. That didn’t mean the Lord had stepped away. It just meant I was no longer “doing” and had entered a waiting season.

But the manuscript was never truly in my hands anyway. It was—and still is—in the Lord’s.

As I continued reading, another verse spoke directly to my heart:
“I sent you to reap that for which you have not labored; others have labored, and you have entered into their labor.” (John 4:38)

That verse connected immediately with the word God gave me for this year: Missionary. He has called me to spread His Word and His truth. In doing so, I’ve joined a labor that began long before me—when God created the world—and will continue long after me, until the Lord returns.

I wrote this manuscript while standing on God’s shoulders. He made me more than I could ever be on my own.

Today isn’t a day for writing scenes or editing chapters. Today is a waiting day—a day for other writer duties. And that’s okay. There will be another step forward when the time comes, and once again, God will lift me up.

This book was never truly mine to begin with. It is God’s book.

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